How to stop New Year’s Resolutions stressing you out

Photo by Holly

Photo by Holly

Need help slowing down and taking time for you? Why not try our Winter Retreat Self Care guide?

New Year’s Resolutions can be like a cream pie to the face.

At the time of year when we’re often feeling burnt out and strapped for cash we set super high targets for ourselves. When we don’t achieve them our self worth takes a hit and we’re left feeling like failures.

So why do we bother?

January is a natural time for reflection. After the busy festive period, it makes sense to take stock of the year that’s past and explore what you would like your new year to look like. This may mean making some changes. Setting some new goals for yourself can act as your compass for your new year.

So if you’d like to try creating some resolutions that don’t leave you feeling miserable, here are my top tips.

1. Clear, mini steps

There’s nothing wrong an ambitious target, as long as we can identify the first step. We need to break big goals down into smaller steps we can add into our daily routine. Want to write a book this year? That’s totally possible but first of all, are you writing everyday? How about resolving to journal every day until it becomes a habit? Once we form a habit, we create a strong foundation for our big dream to grow from.

2. Self-hate, fear and shame aren’t good goal fuel

This is an uncomfortable topic but stick with me. Often we make our goals to stop feeling an uncomfortable feeling that we are fed up with. For example, I set the goal of getting 1,000 Instagram followers. When I examined that goal up close, I realised I set it because I was fed up of feeling ashamed that I couldn’t grow a following, I felt like a failure. My goal was fuelled by shame and when I didn’t get anywhere near it, my self worth suffered.

If I still want to have the goal of 1,000 Instagram followers I need to change where I’m coming from. Rather than using it to minimise my discomfort, I have to refocus it as an opportunity to share our work with more women who I genuinely think we can help.

This is an internal process. If you can’t find the positive “come from” for a resolution, it’s likely to crash your self worth and if it’s doing that don’t give it a place on your list for 2019.

3. Building your vision

Most goals are our guess at an action that we think will make us feel a certain way. We decide to take up exercise because we think it will make us feel more confident, or more energised, or happier. But often the path from our actions to the feeling we want to achieve is based on external evidence and not our own internal processes.

So before you set any resolutions, take some time to explore how you want to feel this year. You can journal your ideas, or you could try a vision board (we have a how-to here)

Once you’re immersed in the feeling, re-visit your goals, will they bring you closer to or further away from the feeling you’re creating? Do any other steps appear?

Take your time and keep open minded, you might be surprised by the results!

I hope these tips help you step into a 2019 that is a magical and unique as you are.

Holly build a life you love new years resolutions