Need to talk money with your family? Read this first!
Money is a well known source of conflict in families. Even the most functional family can become a little dysfunctional when it comes to money.
We inherit most of our beliefs about money from our parents, subconsciously before the age of six. Young children are like sponges and absorb everything that’s going on around them. If you think about it there’s no way you could learn to walk, talk, feed yourself and everything else if you had to learn it consciously. Remember how hard it was to learn to drive?
So we watch our parents and learn from them. We observe what they say, or don’t say about money. We pick up on how money makes them feel and we watch how they handle it, what they do with it.
When you are young your parents are gods, they know how to do everything and so how they do money must be how it is.
The problem is all this is absorbed subconsciously, so unless you take a moment to have a new look at money as an adult, in effect you have a six year old running your finances.
I remember vividly the moment I took a new look at money.
I had just joined an online money management course and there was a live Q&A session. One of the women was explaining how easy it was to make money but how difficult it was to hold on to it.
I remember thinking, “WHAT!”
I found making money hard work but hanging on to it was no problem. (Accumulator is one of my top three archetypes)
I realised that my family money story was that making money was hard work. It blew my mind.
I looked around me. Everyone in my family and also my friends group made money, good money but they worked REALLY hard for it. I had surrounded myself with people that’s money stories were like mine.
In that moment, on that call, I realised that my money story was not the only possibility. Other people had other experiences of money. They had different challenges but they also had other possibilities and that was exciting.
So, how can you get to the root of your money story?
Understanding your money personality is the first step. It gives you a way to unlock your “money DNA”. For your money personality, you will have a top archetype. Each archetype has something called a sacred money contract. When you read yours you find yourself going, “Hell yeah!’ to one part and “Uh oh” to the other.
My top archetype is the Ruler and the sacred money contract for a Ruler is, “To innovate, achieve and empower wealth with grace and ease.” For a Ruler, innovating, achieving and empowering wealth is not a problem, grace and ease on the other hand is. Rulers are driven and have a tendency to over work.
This showed me why I kept carrying my family money story, it fitted my overworking style.
To fulfil my sacred money contract I have to find a way of making money without it being hard work, so I actually have to overcome my family belief about money.
It’s really easy to find out what your archetype is. We have a free questionnaire for you to download right here.
Knowing your archetype is the first step to preparing for any conversation about money, even with family. It will help you to play to your strengths. It will also alert you to areas where you may get derailed.
This is just step in embarking on sensitive money conversations. We are going to be covering more steps in upcoming blogs. So if you would have a particular situation you would like us to cover let us know.
We can’t promise to cover all of them and it would of course be completely anonymous but it would help us to make sure we are addressing real issues and we want to be as helpful to you as possible.